Moving on from teenage teething probs for a while...

Maybe I should have added this post at the beginning but I figured its time to let you know why I decided to make a blog related to our ebooks sales site..

Basically we are kind of pleased with the products that we add to the site. Its growing slowly because we are keen to offer quality stuff for you to peruse & hopefully buy sometimes! But we're pretty interactive kind of people and we figured that it would be easier to have people add any comments on a blog than ask them to email us. (It also gives me a chance to waffle a bit & sometimes I enjoy that).

So if you have any comments that you would like to add please feel free - we welcome them.

As time goes on I'll gradually be kind of reviewing each of the ebooks that we are selling, adding a bit here to compliment the sales page and try to give you a better idea of what the book contains - without giving away the whole thing naturally.

Hope you enjoy reading this blog as much as I enjoy adding to it..

Teenage Angst?

What causes teenage angst and how can we alleviate it?

Several things happen to us as we reach our teens. I guess we can all remember, to a certain extent, how it felt to suddenly start to question who we are, where why we think so differently to our parents, siblings, friends etc and how we would ever get through the day, never mind the next couple of years.

Pressures that teens experience include peer pressure to try the latest trend and become or remain part of the group, family pressure, to get good grades, choose a career path, help care for younger siblings or older relatives, maybe even contribute in some way to the family income or at least earn their own pocket money.

It's quite a list really isn't it? Is it any wonder that many teens find it difficult to sort out these priorities and live up to all of the different expectations of them?

Of course the majority of teens will rebel fairly quietly, or only within the confines of their own home, so that parents begin to feel as if they are going a little crazy when friends and other family members describe their difficult teen as being helpful, kind and considerate (ie the same as they were at home before the terrible teens hit).

Actually for me this is a good sign as it shows that your teen is confident to question you and test / assert their independence at home without them letting it too greatly affect their sense of who they are and where they fit into the rest of society. To me it can also mean that your teen is happy to live by your rules at core (automatically behaving socially in the company of others)and will hopefully then accept responsibility for any consequences arising from any of their own decisions to act in ways which go against your guidance.

Am I right or wrong? Please feel free to make a comment whether you agree or not. Discussion is learning and I am always open to the views of others.

PS. If you want to know more from a real expert, follow the link below to check out our ebook.

So how to prevent their teenage years from becoming the worst of your childs life?

Looking back on my own teenage years, I know I was pretty lucky really. My parents were pretty easy to talk to overall and they always explained rationales for their behaviour / rules so even when I thought they were daft (which as a teenager, lets face it may be pretty often), I knew that it was because they cared and they were trying to persuade me to behave in a certain way because they believed that it was in my best interests.

How much more can you ask for? No-one really knows if their way is right do they? We only know what works for us and so we hope that our kids will use our experiences to learn without having to make our mistakes.

How often does that happen though? Part of growing up and becoming a rounded adult is surely about making our mistakes and acknowledging them as part of our development so that we can leave the bad experience behind whilst taking the learning from it so we don't keep repeating the pattern.

When is it safe to allow our kids the leaway to make some mistakes of their own? How much can we protect them without stunting their personal development and leaving them with inhibitions and uncertainties that will haunt them for years?

Communication is one of the keys, I think. Being able to talk to your kids and have them listen at least even if they need to go their own way and find out for themselves.

Having clearly defined boundaries and sticking to them is another. Discussing the consequences of certain actions and what the outcome would be from your perspective, then sticking to that so that your child knows that the choice of whether to take that action is theirs but that if they do take that action make that particular mistake, this will be the consequence and they will have to accept it.

Once the mistake is made and the consequences suffered - get over it - don't dwell on it forever or keep throwing it at them - we're all human and sometimes fallible.

Accept that your young adult will make their own decisions mistakes as they are growing up, as we all do and that as humans sometimes we will take the wrong path and suffer the result. Show them that as long as they accept the decision and the consequences as their own and are prepared to learn from this (ie not make that mistake again) that you will support them no matter what.

If you are able to do this with the smaller things like coming home a little late, not cleaning their room etc then most kids will be able to develop stronger confidence in their ability to stand apart from the crowd if needed over things like drugs and alcohol.

Admitting that you are aware that you can't watch over them 24 hours a day and giving them a framework which enables them to make a decision to do something you will punish them for if they accept the consequences can help to develop your teenagers self confidence and bolster their fragile ego. They are not simply doing something because you have told them not to.

They are making a conscious decision, acknowledging that the risk of being caught out and the punishment or consequences of being caught, are not worth the possible rush of excitement and shortlived thrill that the action would merit.

If you think about it this is how society tries to control us and make us live within the laws of our country. It works for the vast majority of us, maybe it's worth a try with our teenagers..

Be understanding and supportive if your teenage child is going through a bit of an identity crisis. Try not to make light of this, or to get caught up with them in allowing this to become a huge issue. However frustrating it might be for you, if your child needs it, spend a little time subtly reinforcing their good points and strengths so that you can help them to work out and deal with their weaknesses.

I had so many uncertainties when I was going through my teens I think I must have driven my folks almost mad but they were always there for me to help me put things in perspective and see the other side of a situation and my response to it. Nowadays people always think that I must have always been assertive and confident because I learned to be comfortable in my skin but I believe it was because of this grounding.

If you think this stuff makes sense, try it out with your kids and see how it goes. If you have any comments on this opinion I would be glad to hear them;

and if you want to learn more from someone who's been there and got the Tshirt as we say, (a mom who has brought up 4 kids rather than me reminiscing) click on the link below to check out our ebook on this subject.

Terrible Teens or the Best Years of Our Lives?

Do you have really strong memories of your teenage years? How was it for you?

Was there a fight to be accepted as an adult within your family? Maybe the constant worry of how your peers felt about you, the excitement of realising that the world really could be yours for the taking and that it maybe wasn't so scary as your parents would have you believe in their efforts to keep you safe?

Sometimes when I look back on those years I have the fondest memories of starting to explore and assert my own personality, making new friends and seeing new places. But other times I see only the trauma of constantly worrying about what other people thought, especially my friends and of the particular pressures caused by trying to keep everybody happy.

Why is it that as teenagers the things that we and our friends think and want to do are so diametrically opposite the things that our parents think and want us to do?

Is that Gods or the Universe' little private joke? What turns the majority of teenagers into self absorbed, defiant, secretive beings the minute that they enter those dreaded teenage years? Do you have teenage kids and sometimes look at them and despair over where your darling little Sarah or Johnny went and how you ever got this monstrous brat in their place? Do you ever think back to our own teenage years and make a correlation between the behaviour that you hate to see in your kids and the behaviour that your parents hated to see in you?

Weird isn't it how those teenage years can cause so much of a problem for some families whilst others grit their teeth and breathe the biggest sigh of relief when they are finally over, because the damage wasn't as bad as it could have been and everyone survived more or less in tact.

Why is it that some families end up in family therapy or falling apart behind the scenes and others manage to take this stuff in their stride (at least outwardly). As a psychiatric nurse this stuff has always fascinated me. My youngest sister is 11 years younger than me, so even by the time that she was in her teens, although I could clearly remember mine, the stuff that she had to contend with at an earlier age seemed so different.

I wonder if that's one of the key issues - for me they've always been:

Peer pressure
Family expectations
Pressure of education, having to choose the subjects for your career path when most kids don't really have a clue what they want to be / do, &
Family tensions (these may be underlying prior to the terrible teens or they may be tensions that occur during that time).

I personally think kids are at their most vulnerable as they are entering their teens because they are subject to raging hormones, burgeoning desires (physical and metophorical) and so many different and conflicting expectations.

One of the most difficult things for any parent is to maintain a stable relationship with their kids at this time. It is also one of the most important. So how can we achieve this?

Come back for some more discussion on this with my next post over the weekend.

If you are in a major rush to get the low-down - follow the link below to our main site where you can review info on an ebook written by a mom who managed to achieve this!